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Wednesday, April 22, 2009
No good updates, just some cat photos
Things are...weird here. I'm kind of in a funky place right now as I try to move on from Brisket, figure out my spirituality, finishing my thesis (KILL ME), fighting with the financial aid office (KILL ME AGAIN), and overcoming my dental phobia to get some much needed work done.

I mean, I'm fine and everything. More than fine, actually, it's just nothing particularly blog worthy so I thought I would entertain you with some pictures of the cats. I've been getting an itchy trigger finger lately, after a long winter photography hiatus. Hopefully in a few days I will have something a bit more substantial to show you, but in the meantime, it's Krazy Kat Lady Photos!

It occurs to me that many of you have not met Gary's cats, Kayla and Galahad. Here they are:

Kayla

This is Kayla. She's a pretty pretty princess.

Galahad

This is Galahad. He's a cat that looks like Hitler.

YAWN

And, of course, Dill. You guys remember Dill:

'Bert

But do you remember him like THIS:

Fatty Arbuckle

Look. At. How. FAT. I know. This fattiness is in direct result of living with Kayla and Galahad, because he eats their food too. See, prior to living with Kayla and Galahad, I was able to control Dill's food. He'd get 1/4 cup of kibble in the morning (which he'd scarf down) and a 1/4 cup of kibble in the evening (also horked down). Dill couldn't handle having a constant supply of kibble. He'd just gorge himself all the livelong day. I think this because of Dill being a rescue kitty and from living on the streets and not knowing where his next meal would come from. But now with Kayla and Galahad (who were raised by hand by Gary and thus used to constant attention and regular meals), we have food in the bowl all the time. So Dill plunks himself in front of it and EATS. It's gotten so bad that we now try to limit how much food is given (1 scoop in the morning, slightly smaller scoop in the evening) just so Dill won't turn into the subject of this painting.

(Which Stephanie says he already is, but never mind that.)

Since limiting their food intake in this way, the dinner scenes have turned into this:

Cat Butts

CARNAGE. Also, uh, our floor isn't really that dirty. It's a trick of the camera. Only maybe it is that dirty? Because Galahad is odd and loves water so he splashes it up and out of the bowl and it catches crumbs of food and makes an orange-y paste and then he ROLLS in it, adding fur to the mix?

These cats, I tell you. They're fucking weird.

Dil, Kayla, and a Friend

A totem pole of kitties! Plus a gnome. And some nekkid ladies.

Gary will be pissed at this photo, because he doesn't like cats on table surfaces. I don't mind them chilling on end tables or coffee tables, I just have issues with the kitchen table and counter. Meanwhile, both of Gary's cats regularly get caught on the kitchen table and Gary is more than OK with Galahad being on the kitchen counter to get water from the sink (which, he says, is the only solution to Galahad's water fetish). Now you tell me which one of us has it skewed. Then again, Dill is a little piss pot, so who am I to talk?

One last photo of Dill, to showcase his chubby cheeks:

Dill

I might as well apply for spinster status now.

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Friday, December 19, 2008
Conversation I imagine the cats having yesterday
Galahad: Where's the human female?

Dill: Oh, she does this sometimes.

Galahad: Does what?

Dill: Well, she'll go off and disappear, surfacing only for food, sleep and the occasional British comedy. It happens every couple of months. You always know when it's happening because she starts muttering about "finals" and "projects" and keeps forgetting to cuddle you. Don't worry. It will pass.

Kayla: Really? Because she's been gone, like, 18 hours.

Dill: No, don't worry. She always comes home, eventually.

Galahad: She just seems so...tense these past couple of days.

Dill: Yeah, it happens. But then, when it's over, she's suddenly home like ALL the time, and constantly wants to play with you and pet you. It's awesome.

Kayla: Oh, good. You know what?

Galahad: What?

Kayla: I was thinking we should do something for her.

Dill: Really? Like what?

Kayla: Well, I don't know. It's just that human female is so good about filling our food dish and constantly refilling the water bowl after Galahad spills it everywhere.

Galahad: I like water, OK?

Dill: She is really good for those things.

Galahad: It's wet! And it feels squishy and cool in your fur. And when you tip the bowl over, and makes a big clanging sound and a SPLASH! How do you not love that?

Kayla: She's also really good about leaving around little pieces of plastic for me to play with.

Dill: She's so good at the chin rub too, did you ever notice? Like, she knows exactly when to rub underneath your chin and along your jaw. Gets me everytime, that does.

Galahad: And once the water has splashed on the floor, you can ROLL in it, all orgasmic-like.

Kayla: ANYWAY. I was thinking that we should do something nice for her, is all.

Dill: But what can we do?

Galahad: Maybe we should give her a present.

Kayla: Oh a present! Perfect! It's Christmas and the season of giving, after all.

Dill: But what would human female like?

Kayla: Oh! You know what? Recently she's been all about that new piece of furniture in her room.

Galahad: Do you mean the bed? That's not new. It smells distinctly like Conshohocken.

Kayla: How in the world do you even know what Conshohocken smells like?

Galahad: Oh, I know things.

Dill: Whatever. It's new to her. She loves it too, she keeps, like, rolling across it. And yelling, "Starfish!" and then spreading her limbs out and rejoicing when none of her appendages fall off the edge.

Kayla: Humans are so cute sometimes.

Dill: She bought all those new blankets and down comforters and things for it, too.

Galahad: Oh, I know. They're all so soft and cozy for napping.

Dill: So the present should involve the bed, yes? We're agreed?

Galahad and Kayla: Agreed.

Galahad: OH I KNOW.

Kayla: What?

Galahad: Let's give her the gift of food.

Dill: Brilliant!

Kayla: Really? I was thinking of something more shiny...

Galahad: No listen, this is perfect — we all love food, right? So let's give her some of our food.

Dill: But how will we get it up the stairs?

Galahad: We'll have to carry it up in our bodies. We'll eat the food first. And then upchuck once we get upstairs.

Kayla: Sounds...tricky. And a little yucky.

Dill: But she'll know it means we really care.

Kayla: I guess you're right. Hey! Let's make it extra special. Let's make it so she can't figure out which one of us gave her the present. Secret Santa!

Galahad: Oh, she loves a mystery!

Dill: It will be a crazy caper!

Kayla: Crazy Cat Caper! Ok, so immediately she'll suspect Galahad, because he's the resident horker.

Galahad: Hey, when you're good at something, do it early and often.

Kayla: BUT, if we leave too much, she'll start to suspect Dill.

Dill: Ooh, good idea.

Kalya: And just to throw a total wrench into it, as well as throwing up on the bed, we'll also throw up on the floor and...hmmm...I've got it! We'll throw up on the floor and on the sweater that she haphazardly threw towards the hamper, but landed on the floor and I like to nap on. So she'll have evidence towards all three of us!

Dill: This is the best plan ever! Let's go!

Galahad: I can't wait to see her face when she comes in at 3 a.m. after a long night of design and writing and sees that she has to wash all of her brand new sheets and blankets and has to sleep on the couch!

FIN

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Monday, September 01, 2008
Kitten Wars
The one reservation I've had about Gary moving in, was the cats. Gary has two cats (well, three if you count Charlie, but that's Karen's cat), Galahad and Kayla, both of which had lived their entire lives surrounded by other cats and are used to one another. Dill, meanwhile, has always been a solitary cat. The one time he did see another cat, he marked the entire apartment and refused to talk to Kelly for a week. Not to mention, I knew that Galahad would fight for the alpha male position.

Needless to say, I was worried about the impending brother and sister Dill would be gaining.

We introduced the kitties last night, and I have to say, I am so proud of Dill. He has been the best boy. He's been very gentle and curious, and completely perplexed at why the new guys are so grumpy. Our conversations have been like this:

DILL: Omigod, mom. Did you see? There are other cats here.

ME: I know. Be nice to them, ok?

DILL: Can I smell them? They smell different!

KAYLA: HIIIISSSSSSS

GALAHAD: RRRRRRRRRRRRROOOOORRRR

DILL: WTF?

ME: Leave them alone, buddy. They're freaked out. They're in a brand new place and they don't know you.

DILL: Well, I'm trying to get to know them.

ME: I know you are. But let them come to you.

DILL: Fine.

---

DILL: OK, that was totally not my fault.

ME: I know.

DILL: I was just lying there, leaving them be, when the big one--

ME: Galahad

DILL: --comes up to me and sniffed my butt. I raised my head to reciprocate--

ME: And he hissed at you.

DILL: --AND HE HISSED AT ME. FOR NO REASON.

ME: I know. Dilbert, you're doing so well. You're being so nice and patient with them and I appreciate it so much. I love you the best.

DILL: You'd better.

---

ME: Awwww, look at you guys!

DILL: I know!

ME: Are you friends now?

DILL: I think so! I mean, she's letting me lie here, kind of close to her. She hasn't growled at me for 5 full minutes.

ME: That's great, pickle!

DILL: Maybe I can scootch a leeeetle closer.

KAYLA: HISSSSSSS, Reoooow, Hisssss!

DILL: JESUS!

ME: Oh shit! Are you OK? Kayla, no!

DILL: Bitch crazy!

ME: Oooohh, let me look at you.

DILL: What is her deal?

ME: Oh, it's like I said...she's freaked. Plus, Gary's working today so there's no one familiar here for her.

DILL: Is that any reason for her to violently swat me, when I was just lying there?

ME: No...but give her time.

DILL: And the other one! He's been behind the couch all day!

ME: I know.

DILL: They hate me. I don't know why.

ME: I love you. You're being so awesome.

DILL: Hrumf.

--

Gary seems this will all pass in no more than 5 days, but Christ, I don't know that I can handle 4 more days of this.

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