How to design a website

Now you too can design webpages! Just follow these 45 easy steps:

1. Complain loudly to anyone who will listen about how hard it is to design a website all by hand without any web design tools.
   
   
2. Rejoice when your totally awesome roommate gives you a copy of not only Adobe GoLive, but the entire Adobe Creative Suite.
   
   
3. Complain loudly to anyone who will listen about how hard it is to figure out Adobe GoLive, a program that you’ve never used before
   
   
4. Complain loudly to anyone who will listen about how there are only books on Adobe GoLive 6 and none for GoLive CS
   
   
5. Well, Ok, there’s that one.
   
   
6. Buy book. Spend the next three days actively not reading it.
   
   
7. Finally break spine on book and begin the learning.
   
   
8. Get as far as page 45.
   
   
9. Open Adobe GoLive and stare at the blank workspace for a solid ten minutes.
   
   
10. Complain loudly to anyone who will listen how hard it is to design a website when you don’t have any content.
    
    
11. Attempt to make a splash page.
    
    
12. Realize that your splash page is essentially exactly the same as the one you have now.
    
    
13. Think about how you don’t have any design talent at all.
    
    
14. Hey, Scrubs is on!
    
    
15. My, that Zach Braff is sort of a cutie, especially back in the older episodes.
    
    
16. Stare at blank workspace again.
    
    
17. Try to make a new banner for website by using Adobe Photoshop and Image Ready.
    
    
18. Complain loudly to anyone who will listen about how you don’t understand Adobe Image Ready.
    
    
19. Realize that you make your living as a GRAPHIC DESIGNER when in fact you don’t know how to design anything.
    
    
20. 15 minutes of self loathing.
    
    
21. Diet Pepsi break.
    
    
22. Stare trance-like into the fridge and hope that snacks materialize.
    
    
23. Pace your bedroom.
    
    
24. Stare at blank workspace.
    
    
25. Stare at blank workspace.
    
    
26. Stare at blank workspace.
    
    
27. Under the guise of “research” begin surfing the internet for other theater websites and look at their source code.
    
    
28. Somehow find your way to YouTube.
    
    
29. Waste the next 45 minutes catching up on Daily Show bits and Kids in the Hall sketches.
    
    
30. Stare at blank workspace.
    
    
31. Feel really guilty when your brother emails you to tell you that there will be a write up in the Philadelphia Weekly mentioning his show, and delicately hints that the sooner the website is updated, the better.
    
    
32. Stare at blank workspace.
    
    
33. You know, you’re doing this for FREE for your brother WHO NEVER CALLS YOU because you LOVE HIM AND CRAP and he never paid you in those margaritas he owed you for creating the damn site in the first place.
    
    
34. Wish for a margarita.
    
    
35. Reread brother’s email.
    
    
36. Stare at blank workspace.
    
    
37. Whine to the cat that you don’t know what the fuck you are doing.
    
    
38. Try to convince cat to design website for you.
    
    
39. Remind cat that he’s been living the sweet life for a year and half now and what has he done for you lately, besides pee in that one corner?
    
    
40. Yell at cat for insubordination.
    
    
41. Stare at blank workspace.
    
    
42. Contemplate suicide via hanging with a USB cord.
    
    
43. Stare at blank workspace.
    
    
44. Write an entire blog entry about how (not) to design a website.
    
    
45. All right, enough dicking around. Adobe GoLive, you’re about to become my bitch.