My boyfriend can totally beat up your boyfriend*

So, The Scotsman? Just got his third degree black belt. Bear with me a bit, because I'm going to brag.

It was kind of a big deal this test, because he'd been waiting to take it for close to 9 years. He should have actually taken it about 4 years ago but between his own students and Tae Kwon Do club, not to mention his full-time job and family responsibilities, it kept getting pushed back and pushed back. So the fact that he was finally able to take it was pretty damn special and I was honored that he asked me to come and take photos**.

The test took over 4 hours, which I sort of can't wrap my head around. Don't ask me how he made it through the ordeal, because I would have given up after the first couple of forms and sat myself down with some girl-scout cookies or something and just been satisfied with my two degrees. But he kept going and going and was generally awesome the entire time.

The final portion of the test was the breaking. The Scotsman was the last to go and he was the one breaking the most boards. Prior to The Scotsman's turn, the other students (who were mostly testing for their first degrees) kept not breaking. And they were only trying to break one board. As each of them hit difficulties and had to re-try over and over, I got more and more nervous. Because The Scotsman was breaking 4 boards with his elbow, immediately followed by 3 with a kick, followed by 2 with a different kick (technical term). Grand total of 9 boards for those of you not adding along.

By the time The Scotsman got up there to do his thing, I was pretty edgy. A hush fell over the entire room as he set up the boards, and I overheard a little girl say with awe, "Mom, you HAVE to get a picture of this. He's going to break 4 BOARDS!"

The Scotsman's mom was biting her nails at this point, and I was holding my breath.

But of course, I had nothing to be worried about:



If you look in the mirror, you can see that it takes the strength of 3 burly men to handle the impact. Those boards? Completely broken.

The two kicks went perfectly too:



And let me just tell you, the cheer that went up afterward? Epic. After my heart started beating again, I realized that I had been silly. The Scotsman has been known to break up to 6 boards with his elbow, so those 4? Were like butter.







I might be just a bit proud, you guys.

And then, the next day, The Scotsman cooked me breakfast:



Wearing the belt, obviously. Because you kind of have to.

<3

*He wouldn't, of course, because that goes against the tenants of Tae Kwon Do. But he could, is my point.

** I'm fairly disappointed with how the pictures came out, actually. Too bad his girlfriend is an amateur. Ugh.

Shoot for Haiti

Another thing adding to my mid-January depression is the horrific earthquake in Haiti. I could not even begin to comprehend the loss and destruction, the fear and devastation those people are facing right now. And to happen to such a poor unstable nation such as Haiti...

It's maddening, because you're looking at the footage on CNN and you see these people in such pain (oh my god, did you see the footage of that 11-year old girl trapped in the building? My heart was breaking the entire time) and you feel so helpless and frustrated and you want to grab a couple gallons of water and hop on a plane and go there and DO SOMETHING besides just lolling about the house bemoaning how down you feel because you're an ungrateful wench who has a roof over her head, a steady job, food in her fridge, to say nothing of her wonderful friends and boyfriend and oh yeah, her health and able body, so she should shut the hell up already and stop looking at what she doesn't have and instead be thankful for what she's got because meanwhile, while you're being all selfish and self-centered, people are dying in agony in Haiti.

At least, that's the way I feel.

I had similar feelings after Hurricane Katrina and ended up having a full blown melt down about the entire thing, because while FEMA was doing fuck all and dead bodies were lying in the streets, I was living the cushy life. And my guilt and inability to directly help literally caused me to lose my shit for about two days.

So you donate to the Red Cross, you pray, you give blood, etc. You do what you can. Because not all of us can work for Doctors without Borders and as much as I would like to help, I don't have a medical degree or know how to operate a backhoe. And I would probably be more of a hindrance than a help, I would be in the way, I need training, etc. And money is just as valuable as my time. And I have a full-time job that I need to stay at so I can pay my bills and whatnot.

But you know what I do have? A camera. And some basic photography talents. And two hands.

And so, I've volunteered for Shoot for Haiti.

Here's the deal: A bunch of professional photographers in Philadelphia are gathering for a benefit on January 31. If you need your headshots done or want a family portrait taken or if you have promotional photos you need for your business: This is the day to get them done. Because on January 31, the photographers participating in Shoot for Haiti will be charging just $50 for their services. And that $50 goes right to the American Red Cross Haiti disaster relief.

Now I've signed on to help out this day, but I will probably not be working as a photographer at the event. Because I'm not technically a professional. I will be doing administration work, set up, tear down, and generally assisting wherever they want me.

BUT, in the spirit of giving and volunteerism, all my services for the month of January (..and probably February too) cost just $50 and will go to Shoot for Haiti/American Red Cross. This includes the work I did this past weekend, although my subjects don't know it yet. So if you want photos done by me, sign up now. ALSO, if you want to buy prints from me, the cost will be $25 and all proceeds will also benefit Shoot for Haiti/American Red Cross. So if in the past I've taken an awesome photo of you, sign up to buy it now!

I should note that the benefit on January 31 is just the first benefit to be organized by Shoot for Haiti and more will probably follow. I will keep you posted.

In the meantime, links:

Shoot for Haiti

American Red Cross

Doctors Without Borders

My Flickr (choose the photo, email me the link, I'll see you get it)

Freedom, Malaise, and Freedom from Malaise

First of all, fuck this fuckery of being on lockdown because I am sick of it and frankly it's boring and I'm not doing much writing anyway, so really what's the point. Furthermore, things have essentially calmed down (knock on wood), and putting this thing on private was just me being ridiculously cautious.

So, yes. Hello.

And now I begin the most random, semi-whiny entry in existence to catch you all up.

It's mid-January so thus I begin my regular bout with depression. Everything is technically fine, but I find myself feeling so down. Everything feels like it requires such a huge effort to accomplish. Just getting out of bed can feel like a trial, and I have to have a serious Come-to-Jesus with myself to get up some mornings. And again, let me assure that things are really and truly OK, it's just the way I get this time of year. Everything is so dark and cold, I should really just hibernate the fuck away.

A large part of this depression is frankly due to something I can't really talk about in a public forum. But it's a BIG part of my everyday life and I can't seem to escape it. I've been trying to escape it for the better part of a year, but I am not having any luck and it is hitting me now how much I need to fucking move on already, because it's truly making me miserable. (Is this vague enough for you? I think it's quite obvious what I'm talking about without saying directly.)

Money is troubling me because I seem to have none (uh, see above) although photo jobs are starting to swing my way again and help out with some temporary cash re-flow, but my car payments (sigh) and student loans (sweet Jesus) are taking their toll on me. I'm debating getting a second job, but fuck me, I do not want to have to do that. Plus, my sense of entitlement is telling me that I shouldn't have to do that. I'm eventually just going to have to get off of my high horse, because it's a recession bitches.

Speaking of photography, after Wedding Palooza '09 I hit a wall. I was sick to death of my camera and didn't want to even touch it for two months. So I didn't. Now that I'm being forced over the hump, due to jobs and such, I need to reconsider some things. Such as, while I think I take nice portraits and such, I'm not particularly challenging myself. My photography, ironically, is missing a point of view. I don't think my pictures say anything other than I hang about with some gorgeous people and have a knack for capturing them. I'm trying to decide what to do about this. A friend from Rosemont tipped me that Narrative Magazine is always looking for submissions, giving me a serious wink and a nudge. But a quick tour through my archives quickly pointed out that I am lacking in the artistic quality needed for such a submission. Additionally, Pictory Magazine has left me both breathless and intimated. When I say I want to be a good photographer, these are the types photos I am talking about. It is also why I think I am not a good photographer – I don't have photos like this, not even close. Rather than be bummed about it, I'm going to fix it. Resolutions, for all to see:

1. I will take a serious photography class of some sort this year.
   
2. I am going to buy my own external flash and learn how to use it properly and get over my aversion to flash.
   
3. By May I will have completed on photo essay suitable for submission and publication.

Along the same lines, I signed up for a FlavorsMe site, with the hopes of self-promotion and am thinking of getting a RedBubble profile so I can sell some of this bullshit in the form of prints and canvases.

Don't ask me about writing, because I've done fuck all in that area.

I've hit an all-time low as far as artistic slumps go. See vague paragraph 5, which has hindered my design aesthetic in a way I hadn't thought possible. Reason #4724 why I need to move on already.

My computer buggered out on me. I have no money to replace it, not that it was a particularly good computer in the first place. I desperately need to replace it, too. Anyone want to lend me $2400 for a new MacBook Pro? Because as I try to save money, it inevitably keeps getting funneled to bills.

Despite the all the payments, I am head over heels in love with my new car. In case you weren't following on Facebook, I opted for a 2010 Toyota Corolla in electric blue. I've named it the TARDIS, because it's a Toyota and Relative Dimension in Space, see. I love the TARDIS and how zippy and shiny it is and how corners like it's on rails. Also, after years of second-hand cars, I can't tell you how nice it is to drive something that I chose and that is mine mine mine and exactly what I wanted. It's not a boat! It's a fun color! It feels like my car. And it's under warranty and actually, like, reliable and whatnot. I can drive long distances and not worry about it. The steering wheel doesn't shake when I go above 65mph. Amazing.

Things with The Scotsman are great, more than great actually, and now that I'm sacked down in my January dumps I am quite thankful to have him, because he is one thing that is making me quite happy. The one struggle is the distance between us and our schedules – we don't see each other nearly as much as we would like. We're averaging every other weekend and trying to take turns in each other's state. We've crossed major hurdles – he met my family and a good portion of the 141 crew, I've (briefly) met his daughter – so I feel like things are on a good track. I know a lot of you are still anxious to meet him and scope him out, but be patient. I have a lot of friends and I'm trying not to overwhelm him too much. In the meantime, enjoy this picture of the two of us taken at the Witch Parade. Ignore that it's not the best picture of us ever. We seem to have glassy eyes (thank you, flash, and multiple beers we had imbibed) and ignore that I have flowers in my hair like the pagan dork I am:



I like him. I'm so glad that he likes me too.

I got my hair cut short. I loved it for 2 days and now I'm dying for it to grow out.

I gained so much weight over the holidays, I feel like a porker. I know things will be better once I get back in the habit of going to the gym, but file that under "things that are seemingly impossible for me to do right now."

Spiritually, I'm looking forward to a good year. Silver Stars have taken me under their wing and I'm working on ritual writing and taking a more active role in the IP. Additionally, my dreams have been out of control these past weeks.

Just writing out a lot of my complaints and unleashing a bit about my depression is helping me feel better. Additionally, it is sunny and 48° out today, unlike the disgusting cold rainy mess it was yesterday when I began this entry. I promise you I'm OK. Some fun entries are coming up (including Luke and Leslie's wedding post!), so stay tuned!

I said it first, but they said it funnier

An Open Letter to James Cameron from Papyrus.

Word.

So this is the new year

"May your coming year be filled with magic and dreams and good madness. I hope you read some fine books and kiss someone who thinks you're wonderful, and don't forget to make some art – write or draw or build or sing or live as only you can. May your coming year be a wonderful thing in which you dream both dangerously and outrageously. I hope you'll make something that didn't exist before you made it, that you will be loved and you will be liked and you will have people to love and to like in return. And most importantly, because I think there should be more kindness and more wisdom in the world right now: I hope that you will, when you need to be, be wise and that you will always be kind. And I hope that somewhere in the next year you surprise yourself." – Neil Gaiman