At Crossroads

Things my new dance teacher (Joanne) shouted at me tonight:

• Take your time!
  
• Hop back two three!
  
• Knee, knee, knee!!
  
• Straight legs!
  
• Pull UP! UP!
  
• Cross your feet!
  
• And turn your toes out.
  
• Think about where your weight is. Which leg are you on?
  
• LOOK AT YOUR KNEE!
  
• Slow down!

I need to:

• Stop babying my right ankle and bending my knee when I come down from jumps.
  
• Have some more confidence in my dancing.
  
• But also get over myself and stop thinking I'm hot shit and should grasp steps instantly from divination.
  
• Get used to dancing with distractions.
  
• Practice like a mofo this week.

I am:

• Seriously out of shape.
  
• Lazy with my pointing my toes.
  
• Sore.
  
• Minging.
  
• Exhausted.
  
• Frustrated.
  
• Overly critical of myself.
  
• Inspired.
  
• Happy.

My new dance teacher is tough. I like that about her. Last week she threw me in the mix super quick and had me learn their second slip jig step. And tonight she had me learning the first step and continuing on the second step. Slip jigs are hard (but my favorite) and these steps are especially tricky because she has a different dance style than Colleen and the Coyle school. The hardest thing is her cuts. She hates, and I mean HATES that I open my hip up during cuts. Which is what I thought I was supposed to be doing and so I practiced it wrong all week. It's also how I learned it with Coyle. This is one of the biggest style differences between the two schools and seeing my hip open is tantamount to fingernails on a chalkboard for Joanne. It's going to take a lot of practice and patience to get this right.

Joanne doesn't lead the class like a normal class. Instead we're all broken into groups around the room, each doing our own thing. This is both good (everyone moving and working at their own pace) and bad (very distracting, especially with different music and hard shoe dancing). Joanne meanwhile moves about the room watching dancers and working with them bit by bit. She has eyes on the back of her head though, and half the stuff she yelled at me, she yelled from across the room. I am very encouraged by the other dancers in the class, who all seem very talented and proficient. Some of the girls getting ready for the feis in two weeks were amazing at their treble jigs tonight, and I'm excited for when I get to their level. I also learned that two of Joanne's students are going for their TCRGs, a rigorous process to say the least, and this I also find very inspiring and encouraging about the school.

I got to class early tonight and Joanne and I worked together briefly to go over the first slip jig step. When I didn't do it perfectly after the first time and got frustrated, Joanne berated me slightly, "Well you only learned it 35 seconds ago! Give yourself a break!." It is so much harder this time around, but I can only imagine it will be that much more rewarding.

I have a lot of work ahead of me.

Changing Teams

On Friday I discovered that Rosemarie Timoney does not have a TCRG. Well, I say "discovered" but it was more of a realization. It's not like Rosemarie is hiding the fact that she doesn't have one, nor does she pretend to have one. It's something I may have already known about, actually, and either forgotten or blocked it out. A TCRG, by the way, is an Irish dancing teaching certification. Now, Rosemarie has been dancing since the age of 4, won the South Derry Championship at 17, and started teaching in 1966. Clearly the woman knows her stuff and has no need of a piece of paper telling her she's qualified to teach.

But. Without an instructor with a TCRG, I can't compete. So on Friday I had a long, long think. Do I need to compete? Or can I just be happy learning to dance again? Ultimately I sided with competition. This has very little to do with a love of competition. I mean, I hate to lose more than I like to win, and I will admit to having a competitive streak. And certainly there's a level of thrill in competition. But it has more to do with goals. There are certain steps and techniques you learn when you reach different levels of dancing and ultimately I want to have goal posts for marking those levels. And the best way to do that is by competing. For example, until I place first in a competition at a beginner level, I will only learn and work on beginner steps. It forces me to prefect them and work hard. And when I place first in all my dances in beginner, I move up to novice and learn novice steps. It puts all the weight of advancement on me. When I was with Coyle, I never blamed Colleen for not moving me up to prizewinner, nor could I had I wanted to. I never took first place in my slip jig, only second place. And even though I won first place in all my other dances (and even though the same girl kept beating me in the slip jig again and again), Colleen wouldn't teach me any new steps until I had perfected them all. So I just worked at it over and over and over. Competitions are a benchmark of your skill, not just an excuse for trophies and accolades.

Whereas if I was with Rosemarie, not having that benchmark or standard to guide me, I would be constantly itching to move onto the next big thing and wondering why she wasn't moving me forward, teaching me new steps yet or whatever. I'd be getting frustrated and impatient. I want to learn toe stands. Teach me how to do those big front clicks and little turn outs. Show me how to do a switch leap. Me me me me, show me, now now now now.

Ultimately, if I'm going to spend all this money for lessons and work at making dance part of my life again, I'm doing it properly. I want to master it. I want to be good at this, not just fanny around and arse about learning cool dance tricks.

And so, I will not be going with Timoney Irish Dancers.

Now what?

Well, I've been backed into a corner and now I have no other choice. I'll be dancing with Crossroads Irish Dancers. I've "avoided" Crossroads for one reason and one reason only: the distance. It will take me an hour to get to class. But, hell. Give me an A for effort, because I've researched all other dance school options and this is the closest one, TCRG certified, that is teaching adults year-round. And you know what's sort of comforting? They teach ONLY adults. I won't be shoved aside for younger students or forced to do endless ceilis because teachers don't know what to do with us. Crossroad dancers compete; they've placed regionally and nationally for figure dancing (figure dancing is similar to ceili dancing, but much more precise and feels more like a team sport). They're serious about dancing. Also classes are significantly cheaper with Crossroads, so much so that for the same monthly price with Timoney or what I'm currently paying with McDade, I can take two classes back-to-back (so driving an hour won't feel pointless). And now that I have a new car and have no qualms or worries about driving long distances at night, there's no excuse.

I've already contacted the instructor. I start June 9.

Catching air

When one door closes, another one certainly opens. Last night was to be my last night at the McDade workshop, but Sheila announced that she's extending the program for another 4 weeks after Memorial Day. Which is, frankly, awesome. I get another month of step dancing before going into ceili for the rest of the summer with Timoney.

Sheila worked us hard, too. She made us go over our jig steps and ran us through the ceili's we've done (High Caul Cap and Siege of Ennis) and then quickly taught us the beginnings of the Fairy Reel. After we ran through the Fairy Reel twice, she stared us learning reel steps (they have a very easy but very pretty beginner reel step that I quite enjoyed) and then taught us Jump-2-3s.

Jump-2-3s are one of my favorite things to do in Irish dance. It's those big leaps you see Irish dancers doing, and they are a staple of reels and slip jigs. 10 years ago my dad bought me ankle weights to help with the lift of these jumps. It's important to get high and have your front leg at a 90° angle and your back leg tucked under you, before switching out and landing on what was your back leg. Diddly Magazine has a nice little post on that moment in the air where dancers seemingly float before landing, complete with a video to demonstrate.

Jump-2-3s are kind of hard to learn, though, because in order figure it out at first you need to go slow to grasp the mechanics. But Jump-2-3s are best done with momentum; it's truly easier to do them faster than slower. The poor students in class last night who had never done a Jump-2-3 were really struggling. For awhile they looked like they were goose-stepping with little gallops in between and I remembered vaguely how hard it was when I first learned these in the basement of a Baptist church in Hershey. It's not something that happens overnight. Your body truly needs time to suss out the mechanics of it.

Eventually, Sheila had us line up and Jump-2-3 around the room to music (which, again, if you don't know how to fit it to the music, can be very frustrating). Imagine my surprise on my third Jump-2-3 when I started catching some serious air. I mean, I used to do these all the time, and I could get pretty high. But now I am 50 pounds heavier and out of shape. But muscles must really remember, because I could feel the air pushing against my face and felt the floaty moment happening. I caught sight of myself in the mirror for my next Jump-2-3 and even with jiggly belly, I was high. I mean, not as high as I could go if I was in shape, obviously, but certainly higher than I thought I would be able to go.

It was a nice moment, especially after last week's frustrating class. Reaffirmed for me that I am glad I am doing this and should have sucked it up and done it sooner.

However, I still suck at the treble reel.

Dance Setback

Major bummer.

I just found out that the regular step dancing classes I was going to take with Timoney have been postponed until the fall. Mainly because of lack of summer students.

Having spoken to Rosemarie Timoney, she advised that I come to the Monday night ceili classes all summer and hinted that she might show me some steps on the side. I am also hoping that once she sees me ceili dance she will scoot me into the intermediate classes instead of the beginner.

I was worried about this because this is similar to what Colye did every summer. Regular classes closed down and only ceili and championship level lessons were held. This is mainly because everyone's schedules go crazy in the summer and between holidays and vacations it's hard to teach new things.

I will be attending the ceili classes, for sure, because at least it's dancing of some kind. But as you can see from previous posts, I am itchy about learning and performing steps again. Perhaps I should make up a summer practice schedule for myself and just work on everything I learned from Coyle and most recently from McDade and concentrate on perfecting it all to make up for the 10 years out of dance.

Reel Bad

I realize that this is becoming an all-dance blog, but forgive me. It's one of the most interesting things I'm doing lately and I'm excited about it. It's either this, or talk about how mushy and lovey (i.e., gross) things have become with the Scotsman.* So you're going to have to deal with some dancing talk.

Last night we learned the treble reel. I was not good at it.

I'm not being falsely modest either. The entire night was rough for me, actually. It became abundantly clear that I had spent too little time (or uh, no time at all) practicing between last week's class and this week's class. I fucked up both jig steps, twice. Ouch.

I could make excuses about not having space to practice (which I don't) or being seriously tired going into class last night (which I was), but the fact is, I barely spent any time thinking about those jig steps in the past week. No, I was too busy obsessing over treble jigs, wondering if I could teach myself toe stands, daydreaming about fiesanna, and being antsy about learning slip jigs and hornpipes. I forgot the fundamentals. Which, if you recall, is the whole reason I was doing this McDade workshop. The fact is, I can't be good at treble jigs or slip jigs if I'm not good at single jigs. I can't be good at hard shoe unless I'm proficient in soft shoe.

It's times like this that I wish I had a hard-ass teacher. Sheila is good and all, but how hard-ass is she going to get with us during a 4-week workshop? Had I messed up those jig steps back in the day with Coyle, I have no doubt that Colleen would have made me done them over and over and over until I made it through at least three times in a row with no mistakes. And then she'd make me do it once more "for luck." I once joked and called Colleen a "slave driver," but I meant it in a good way. Her slave driving made me into a solid dancer. I'm hoping for some of that at Timoney.

In the meantime, I need to try to find some space to practice and spend time thinking about the steps. Something I used to do a lot of and I think Irish dancers do – or who knows, maybe all dancers do – is to sing their steps. Singing steps works well for Irish dancing because you have 8 bars of music that goes along with it. In singing steps, you not only memorize the actions, but it also helps you find the rhythm of dance and how it fits to music. Sometimes just listening to Irish music I have trouble recognizing if a song is a jig or reel...until I start singing my steps to it. 10 years later I still know all of my Coyle steps because I spent so much time singing them. It helps with the concentration, which I seriously lacked last night.

Learning the treble reel was tricky. The motions my feet make are actually quite easy. It's the speed and rhythm I'm having issues with. Namely that I can't hear how it fits with the music. This is problematic. I got a quick taste of how those in the class who've never danced must feel when we put regular jig steps to music because I was lost. It's wickedly fast and eventually I stopped trying to dance it and just tried watching others so I could figure out how it breaks down with the music.

In the meantime, it was probably good for me to get knocked down a peg with this class. I was feeling a little cocky and getting ahead of myself. Deep breath. Let's try it again, concentrating on fundamentals.

*Seriously you guys, head over heels.

Confidence on building confidence

I linked to this video two posts ago and now I've become obsessed with it. I love all of these treble jig steps.

Returning to dancing after 10 years is both rewarding and frustrating. I've talked before about how I'm currently rebuilding my stamina and working on little things: new single soft jig steps, ceili dances, pointing my toes, lifting my legs, trying to remember grace. But I’m itching to be back where I was when I left off. I wish I had never stopped dancing. Stupid college, getting in the way.

I’ve missed so much of this. These girls are good (I estimate most of them are prizewinner level-dancers) but most of them are lacking definition in their trebles. It’s like a certain confidence – the girl in the pink is the best at being authoritative with her step – you have to want to pound those steps out. I never tired of making noise. I loved how loud I could be.

In almost everything, I am unconfident. My self-esteem rises and falls; I lack assurance. In the back of my head I question I am doing this right? Is this OK? I am awkward and wavering in all I do. Dance was never like that for me. Competitions rarely made me nervous. I performed with ease. My dad called it “owning the floor,” the way I would carry myself so the adjudicator would watch me instead of the other girls. Even when I didn’t win, or scored poorly I would not become insecure. Disappointed, yes. But never doubtful.

Returning to dance I am doubtful. I’m nearly 30. I am much fatter. My jumps are low. But then I watch that girl in the pink and I remind myself that I can do this. I have done this. My body just needs to remember.

(Cross posted from Tumblr)

Don Dorcha

Week two of Irish dancing went pretty well. I arrived slightly earlier than the previous week (last time I barely had enough time to put my shoes on before we started the warm-up and I wanted to get some extra ankle exercises in before class this week) and the waiting area was packed with young dancers practicing steps, doing each other's hair and generally mucking about. The majority of the dancers were high-school age (I overheard much discussion about prom) and it gave me a twinge of nostalgia for when I was in my senior year and really taking off in dance.

Initially I thought all the kids hanging around were from the previous class, but then I discovered they were there for a special camp as they gear up for Nationals. I saw two guys running around with the kids, making them do laps around the building and ushering them in herds from the waiting area into the second studio. So McDade has male teachers! I thought. Cool.

My teacher (Sheila) got my hopes up for the lesson right away: After reviewing the work from last week we would learn a second jig step and then she would teach us a treble reel step. True confession time: I've never learned a treble reel. I was too busy struggling with my treble jig (which, maddingly, I never placed in competition). Treble reel is a hard shoe dance that you'll see a lot of times in dancing shows like Lord of the Dance and Riverdance, and I was surprised that she was going to teach us a step – it's pretty advanced. I don't know if she just humoring adults who want to be clacky or if she was trying to keep those of us who've previously danced engaged or what. Either way, I was stoked. Just knowing how to properly count out a treble reel would be a big help to me.

Already I can see marked differences in my body: The warm-up no longer did me in the way it did last week (the McDade warm-up is heavy on the cardio and lighter on the stretching), and I had much more stamina throughout the class.

The second jig step threw me a bit. You know what they teach you about muscle memory? It's all true. Last week's jig step* was different enough from Coyle jig steps that I could pick it up quickly and just add it in my jig repertoire. This second step, however, shares some common elements from my old steps so my body gets confused. Instead of hop-one, hop-two, hop-one-two-three-four it's now hop-one, hop-two, hop-three and UP!-two-three-four-five, and yet, my legs forget this at the last second and suddenly I'm doing a McDade/Coyle hybrid jig step.

We completed learning the body of the High Caul Cap, which was interesting because we had a couple people in the class who were not there for the previous lesson. It consisted a lot of "No, no, go here now" and lots of dragging of partners about. When Sheila announced that we would learn the first figure next week I had to chuckle when one of the ladies in my group whispered, "You mean there's more?!?" Yes. There's at least three figures, and between each one is the body we just learned. So, yeah. Stamina. I forgot how exhausting ceili's can be.

By the time we were done with the High Caul Cap, I knew we didn't have enough time to begin the treble reel. Boo-urns. Hopefully next week. I'm finding myself anxious to begin my lessons with Timoney so I can learn more proper steps and work on other dances: reel, hornpipe, and my beloved slip jig.

Since we still had time before class was over, the teacher invited the kids who were going to Nationals to come put on a bit of a show for us. And that's when I learned the guys who were there teaching them weren't McDade instructors. Not at all. Nope. They were two former principle dancers from Lord of the Dance. Both had played the Main Evil Bad Dude in the show for a number of years. They were there for a special workshop with the camp. I was both thrilled and embarrassed. Thrilled because whatever my feelings about Michael Flatley (bit of a ponce), that's just damn cool. Embarrassed because my spudly body and clunky knees currently make me a wreck of a dancer. Both of them however (and here's where I also feel bad because I didn't quite catch either of their names) were lovely and brilliant dancers. I don't know how long they've been working with the kids, but they were great with them and as the students began to show us their steps, they would hoot and holler for them. Can you imagine? Having a professional dancer not only teach you and help you prep for Nationals, but then cheer you on as you performed! Lucky kids. The two professionals were very humble as well and when Sheila tried to get them to dance for us, they got all red in the face and demurred. But with enough encouragement they both did a step for us. Like I said, brilliant dancers, the both of them.

Last night when I talked to the Scotsman, I teased him. "They wanted me to run away with them and be their dancing colleen," I told him. "They wanted me to go back to Belfast and live in their flat. But I said 'No. Gentlemen, I thank you for your kind offer but alas, my heart belongs to a handsome New Jersey man in a kilt. Also, my jump-two-threes are pitifully low. I could never be the colleen you want me to be.'"

"Oh, is that how it happened?" he asked.

In truth, I skittered out of class too embarrassed to talk to either of them. But we'll keep that just between us.

*This would be a good time to explain, in case I never have, that a "step" in Irish dancing is 8 bars of music, leading once with each foot. So if you look at those videos I've linked, when each girl steps forward she performs one complete step, leading first with the right foot and then doing it again leading with the left. So there's lots of components that can go into making a steps.

Owowowow

I just had my first dancing class and all I can say is: OW.

I am so ridiculously out of shape, the warm up alone took a lot out of me. Making matters worse, there are large mirrors along one side of the studio. When I was dancing before we were dancing in church basements and fire halls, not fancy studios, so I find mirrors a bit distracting at first. But after a few minutes, I can usually focus enough to ignore the mirror completely.

However.

What I could not ignore was the reflection of every part of me jiggling: tummy, thighs, etc. Ugh. I can't believe that I've let myself get this overweight.

No matter. Dance classes are a part of trying to control and reduce that weight, so already I feel better about it. But for vanity's sake next week I will wear a looser t-shirt and longer shorts/pants. Good grief.

The class is large, and a nice mix of people who've never danced before and people who have. We didn't go around saying our names, backgrounds, or anything so I have no idea who anyone is. As we were leaving class, I thought I detected some Irish accents among three of the ladies, so it seems we have some authentics in this class. We also have a boy!

Having a guy in the class is sort of exciting for me because they're so rare – at least in my old school. I think at Coyle we had maybe two boys. And one of them was my cousin, Sean. Any guy who gets into Irish dancing is smart because the ratio is so awesome (in my class tonight, it was 26-1), so he can have his pick of the ladies.

This guy is somewhere around my age or younger, and you can tell he's previously danced or still currently dances. He seemed chummy with several of he girls already and they all seemed to know the instructor. So maybe he does/did dance with McDade? In any event, boy has jumps to die for – excellent height, fantastic control. Also: Calves of rock. It made me long for my calves in high school, which used to be so muscular and slender.

Since I'm looking at this class as a primer for beginning with Timoney in June, I tried really hard to focus on small things throughout the class: pointing my toes, my posture, turning my toes out, kicking up high in the back. Which is, admittedly, hard when you're just starting up again after 10 years (oy).

The class moved quickly: warm up, jump-2-3's, simple soft jig step, beginnings of a ceili dance (High Caul Cap, which I know I learned with Coyle, but for the life of me could not remember). The class just whizzed by, and even with my out-of-shape, dumpy self, I couldn't believe it when the instructor said the class was over. Further proof that I need a class environment and fun movement to trick myself into exercising. Because for me an hour at the gym is an eternity, but I was begging for more after this class.

I came home and had so much pent-up energy from the class, I pulled out my Jean Butler Masterclass DVD. Jean Butler* is the former principle dancer from Riverdance, and while the DVD can be used by anyone, it's really beneficial to dancers because she breaks down a lot of the fundamental components of Irish dance steps. She has whole workouts devoted to toe points and arches or leg lifts and balance. It's really something I should have been doing all along, but I rarely pull this out because I lack proper space to truly dance. Finding space in my apartment to practice is really tough and truly frustrating. Still I did the best I could in my bedroom.


Already I can feel my legs stiffening up, and I know tomorrow I will be hobbling about the office. The other thing that happened in class tonight is that during some routine 7's in the ceili, I landed wrong on my weak ankle – the right ankle, the one I badly sprained in my final year of dancing. I was able to recover quickly, but this serves as a lesson that I should probably start doing ankle exercised daily and maybe think about wrapping it for the next class.

So to recap: Dancing fun but my body needs to slim down. I feel clunky and sore, but happy and exhilarated. Siamsa!

*My fun Jean Butler story: My first feis (competition) ever, the authenticator was Jean Butler's teacher. Needless to say, I was geeked and intimidated, and add onto that, a bundle of nerves about my first ever competition. I ended up taking three first places (jig, reel, hornpipe) and one second place (slip jig) in the competition, which still makes me proud to this day. I don't know if this is a reflection of me or the other dancers, but I still can crow that Jean Butler's teacher liked me the best in three dances!