Your pub's problematic. Hire me!

There's a new free alternative weekly magazine in Philadelphia that I've just seen for the first time. Kelly brought home a copy for me because the current issue's cover story is about mojitos. Make of that what you will. Anyway, after just turning a few pages I was itching to take a red pen to it to mark up all of the changes I would make. It's a good publication, or at least has the potential to be a good publication, it just needs some work.

• They need a better proofreader. Lots of tiny mistakes, stuff most people who are not ANAL like me probably wouldn't notice, especially if they're just skimming this while on the train. But for anyone who is seriously reading this thing, eventually they'll jump out at you. Like missing capitalizations, or the word "and" instead of "an." Things like that.
  
  
• In the body text of their articles, certain words are bolded. For example, in the article about Mexican food, the following words were bolded: ChiChis, Aztecs, American, Monterey Jack, Cheese Wiz, TexMex, Gonzales. I don't know why publications do this. I think the logic behind it is that if you're just flipping pages words will jump out at you and you'll think, "Hey! I used to eat at ChiChis! I loved their fried ice cream! I want to read this article!" The problem with this is that, unless you're Page Six, there's no need for it, really. And instead of being eye-catching, it's distracting. It's not like the pages of this publication are jammed packed with line after line of text. There's lots of negative space (used well, I might add) and plenty of photos to accompany the stories, so already there’s enough to catch your eye when you flip the page. But when you go to read, the bolded words interrupt the flow as your eyes move across the page. It's a real problem for me with this pub. I asked Kelly, "Why do they DO this?!" and she responded, "To make you mad, obviously."
  
  
• Their hanging indents are a mess.
  
  
• Widows and orphans everywhere. Now, I work on a pub that is tricky because we use justified text and...look I know you probably don't care, or even know what a widow is for that matter. But the point I am making is this: On my pub we get a lot of them and I know what a pain in the ass they can be. So we tend to be lenient on them. If I am overly noticing them and complaining about it, that says something.
  
  
• Their graphic designer is trying too hard. Take their sidebars: each sidebar has a border around the top that matches the border around the top of the page. The problem with this is that 99% of their sidebars start right beneath this border so it's like seeing double. And again, interrupts the flow of the page. Flow is a very big thing with me, can you tell? Also, certain aspects of the publication feel over-designed. Especially their logo. It has an interesting font, a border, it's embossed, and is textured. Phew. It's kind of like what Coco Chanel said about accessorizing: Look at yourself in the mirror and then take one thing off. Too much in too little of a space.
  
  
• Back to their sidebars. They all need at least a 2pt inset. All of the text runs right up against the text box.
  
  
• The articles, while interesting in subject, feel a little bit fluffy and...missing something. Now, I wasn't expecting The New Yorker when I picked this up, obviously, but I was expecting a tad more sustenance. Example 1: Large, two page article on Philadelphia theater. Point of the article? That Philadelphia has a vibrant theater scene that presents an interesting and sometimes interactive alternative to movies and sadly theater tends to be overlooked by the 20-30-year old crowds because they view it as "stodgy." Great! But then, it promotes theaters such as the Walnut, the Wilma, and the Arden. ZZZZZZZ...Nothing against nothing, because I'm very much a "yay! theater!" person but, man, talk about promoting the wrong theaters. Those are the theaters that everyone already knows about and the theaters that do the most mainstream stuff. To be fair, they also use Theater Alliance as their source for the article and do have a sidebar listing other, smaller theater companies in the area (Hi, Vagabond! Muwah!)as well. But you know what they don't mention once, anywhere in the entire article? They don't mention the Philadelphia Live Arts and Fringe Festival, which starts in about 2 weeks, at all. I can't believe this. If ever there was a time for cheap, non-stodgy, interesting, vibrant theater in Philadelphia, it's the Fringe. Cheap! Interesting! New crazy stuff you probably won't see anywhere else! It defies logic that they didn't mention it. The only source for the article is Karen DiLosse, which, fine, but it would be nice to hear from another voice or two. The article comes off slightly half-assed and empty. Example 2: One of their articles is on "Bug Chasers," gay men who are deliberately trying to contract HIV by purposefully having unprotected sex. Upon closer inspection, this article is actually an from an AP division called asap, which means nobody at the weekly alternative mag wrote it, but they chose to run this story, so here's my criticism: This story is so 2002. No lie ,you guys, I remember reading about it in Rolling Stone my senior year in college, and I also remember seeing this on an MTV News special report around the same time. And possibly? I think they also covered it in Time. SO OLD, this story. And, since it's basically a wire article, there's nothing tying it to Philadelphia, really, except that Philadelphia has a gay community. But then so does everywhere else in the world. Again, I was left feeling...empty.
  
  
• Weird headlines. Headline for a regular column called "Mix Tape," read, "Songs to crank up on your way to report to the slammer to serve your bit." Wait, what? What does that even mean? Aside from being too long, I feel like it's trying too hard to be slangy. Why "your bit?" No one says that. You serve your time or your stretch. I also think there's one too many verbs. I literally read that headline 3 times before I understood it. Short, pithy, catchy is what you need, my friend.
  
  
• They need better spacing throughout their classified ads.
  
  
• Ok, I am not sure what to call them, but the little inset boxes for the reviews, the boxes that list like the album name, artist, and label are placed in the worst possible spot. Again, with the flow thing.

There are things the publication does well. They rock out on reviews for movies and music. And in a great idea for a column, they cover and review bands that perform each week at WMMR's Grape Street Thursday. But they're obviously a new publication that has flaws and teething problems.

Now, here's my dilemma. I can fix all of these things, and know how to make them better. I want them to hire me. How do I say, "Yo, your pub has problems and is kind of ugly. But you should hire me to fix it and be a consultant or designer for you because I know what I am doing. Also, I am cute and fun." I want to do this tactfully, honestly, and smartly. Looking at their staff photos, I get the feeling that the editor-in-chief wouldn't be too thrilled with constructive criticism. He looks all bad-ass in his picture and he'd probably be all, "Bitch, if you think you know so much, start your own weekly alternative magazine!"

Hey! Who wants to make an weekly alternative magazine with me?

P.S. – Seriously though, I do want to do something with this publication. How do I go about this? I feel like I should draft a proposal or something.