Oh, you're damn right. You're daymn right. It's time for: Sussex County Fair '06 (normally I would link back to last year's fair entry, but I can't do that. Thanks, Diary-X!).
This year we brought two newbies, Haven and Christopher with us. Haven, bless her, got it instantly. Christopher we had to explain it to a couple of times. "Look, here's how it works. There's no shame today. None. No calories or fat grams either. You see it, you want it, you get it, you eat it. No judgment."
"Got it."
And then 10 minutes later...
"So does anyone go on rides?"
"No. It's about the food."
"Oh."
And then...
"So...we just walk around and eat?"
"Yes. That's it. That's the whole day."
It's an exercise in gluttony, a celebration of fried fatty foods that usually come on a stick. It's very American. And so, for America, we ate. We ate SO MUCH. Final tally (note that this list is comprised of foods people in the group ate, not that of one individual, although most of us sampled a little of everything):
We also walked around and looked at and petted all the animals -- cows, sheep, goats, pigs, rabbits, horses, roosters, ducks, and hens. We saw a hen laying an egg and made the discovery that goat and sheep have, seriously, the largest, lowest hanging testicles (in proportion with the rest of their bodies, anyway -- huge. Congratulations, ewes of the world)
The real bummers this year was two fold. First, we found out that the demolition derby was not being held that night and instead the Queen of the Fair was being crowned. Fuck that. After a day of gorging ourselves you can't possibly sit and look at thin people. Second, there were no fried Snickers bars. Last year as we left the fair we saw the stand for fried Snickers and said, that's first on our list for next year. This year? Nowhere to be found. So do you know what we did? We went home and made our own. Yes. WE LEFT THE FAIR AND MADE OUR OWN DEEP FRIED JUNK FOOD. I know. We're insane. Fried Snickers are very good, for the record. Also good? Deep fried 100 Grand and Little Debbie Swiss Rolls. SHUT UP. DON'T JUDGE US. WE ONLY BEHAVE LIKE THIS ONCE A YEAR.
We spent the night at Kelly's parent's house and went swimming and set off our own fireworks. The insufferable heat wave that I refused to blog about since it was the thing everyone was blogging about had broken and the night was cool, clear and quiet in north Jersey. It was beautiful.
The next morning, Kelly's Mom was pulling her usual Italian mom shtick of, "Here. I bought all this food for you kids, eat! Why aren't you eating? Do you want seconds? Oh, I have bacon. And more eggs. Do you want something? Let me get you something." And for our part, we bought it, as if we didn't eat enough trans fats the previous day to last us the next year and half. All, "yes please, I will have another helping of bacon and a 3-egg omelet." After a round of croquet and a pitiful round of pool featuring yours truly, we did it again for lunch. And she sent us home with food.
But right now, I am wishing I was bulimic and thinking of a hard core detox.
This year we brought two newbies, Haven and Christopher with us. Haven, bless her, got it instantly. Christopher we had to explain it to a couple of times. "Look, here's how it works. There's no shame today. None. No calories or fat grams either. You see it, you want it, you get it, you eat it. No judgment."
"Got it."
And then 10 minutes later...
"So does anyone go on rides?"
"No. It's about the food."
"Oh."
And then...
"So...we just walk around and eat?"
"Yes. That's it. That's the whole day."
It's an exercise in gluttony, a celebration of fried fatty foods that usually come on a stick. It's very American. And so, for America, we ate. We ate SO MUCH. Final tally (note that this list is comprised of foods people in the group ate, not that of one individual, although most of us sampled a little of everything):
- Roasted Corn on the Cob (This sounds healthy, but it's not. Corn is roasted in a the husk, and then the husk is pulled back to make a handle and the ear is dipped in this giant pot of butter, the kind that dribbles down your chin and causes you to break out the next day. People in New Jersey know how to do corn)
- Baked Potatoes (Or, "Baked Potatoes of the Lord" since a very exuberant church sells them, advertising them as "Church Spuds")
- Turkey Leg
- Fried Oreos
- Fried Twinkie
- Ice Cream (old fashioned churned in the bucket -- Best. Ice. Cream. Ever.)
- Pizza
- Chicken on a Pita
- Ice cream and Waffle sandwich
- Bratwurst
- London Broil Steak Sandwich
- Fudge
- Kettle Corn
- Watermelon (via a Watermelon Eating Contest. Everyone participated except for me, due to the cold I am suffering from and my fear that if I went face first into a watermelon slice I would suffocate. As a spectator, it was awesome seeing my roommates face first in melon snarfing and laughing uncontrollably)
- Zepoles
We also walked around and looked at and petted all the animals -- cows, sheep, goats, pigs, rabbits, horses, roosters, ducks, and hens. We saw a hen laying an egg and made the discovery that goat and sheep have, seriously, the largest, lowest hanging testicles (in proportion with the rest of their bodies, anyway -- huge. Congratulations, ewes of the world)
The real bummers this year was two fold. First, we found out that the demolition derby was not being held that night and instead the Queen of the Fair was being crowned. Fuck that. After a day of gorging ourselves you can't possibly sit and look at thin people. Second, there were no fried Snickers bars. Last year as we left the fair we saw the stand for fried Snickers and said, that's first on our list for next year. This year? Nowhere to be found. So do you know what we did? We went home and made our own. Yes. WE LEFT THE FAIR AND MADE OUR OWN DEEP FRIED JUNK FOOD. I know. We're insane. Fried Snickers are very good, for the record. Also good? Deep fried 100 Grand and Little Debbie Swiss Rolls. SHUT UP. DON'T JUDGE US. WE ONLY BEHAVE LIKE THIS ONCE A YEAR.
We spent the night at Kelly's parent's house and went swimming and set off our own fireworks. The insufferable heat wave that I refused to blog about since it was the thing everyone was blogging about had broken and the night was cool, clear and quiet in north Jersey. It was beautiful.
The next morning, Kelly's Mom was pulling her usual Italian mom shtick of, "Here. I bought all this food for you kids, eat! Why aren't you eating? Do you want seconds? Oh, I have bacon. And more eggs. Do you want something? Let me get you something." And for our part, we bought it, as if we didn't eat enough trans fats the previous day to last us the next year and half. All, "yes please, I will have another helping of bacon and a 3-egg omelet." After a round of croquet and a pitiful round of pool featuring yours truly, we did it again for lunch. And she sent us home with food.
But right now, I am wishing I was bulimic and thinking of a hard core detox.
4 Comments:
Where's the funnel cake? Did you merely forget to mention it? Because I KNOW you didn't go to a fair and forgo The Cake!
Dearie,I love you, but I'mjudging you the tiniest bit because this: "Deep fried Little Debbie Swiss Rolls" made me gag a little.
But I'm totally down with all the other gorging. Sometimes I miss Jersey a lot. :-(
Well...I didn't have funnel cake per say...but when we were deep frying things we coated them in funnel cake batter first. Which is why the Little Debbie Swiss Rolls were so good. The funnel cake batter poofs up and the chocolate gets all melty on the inside. Don't be a hater, Redhead.
Besides, Zepoles are practically funnel cake balls, so I figure that they equal out.
Over here unfortunately if food insn't deep fried, then it's not classed as food. Fish, Sausage, Black Pudding, White pudding, Haggis, Spare Rib, Mars Bar, all smothered in batter is the fare of the day. Have it with chips(sorry fries, I keep forgetting that)and it's a supper. Thankfully I've managed to avoid the mars bar, but I have been known to have a fish supper now or then.....They even deep fry pizza, what's that all about????
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