Red-haired girl sitting at the gate: Sister, did you ever pick the wrong color to dye your hair. Man, that looks bad. It doesn’t fit your complexion at all. It’s that sort of bright fire-engine red that only certain people can pull off. Look I get why you did it. You wanted to appear edgy and tough, all "punk rock" and shit. I can tell by your black hoodie with the skull on it. Come on. Let’s be realistic – you’re preppier than Zack Morris. You have a french manicure with matching pedicure (only instead of white edges, you have black edges. Punk rock!), you’re carrying a Louis Vutton bag and you’re ditzing around with your equally preppy friend on your Treos. Face it: You’re about as punk rock as Ashlee Simpson.
Southwest guy: Stop telling us that our plane is making its final descent and that it will be at the gate for us to board in "5 minutes." Seriously, our plane has made its "final descent" about 13 times now. I understand that you can’t do anything, and I feel bad for anyone that has to work in an airport today, but I would have much more respect for you if you were just honest and were like, "I have no damn clue. They told me five minutes, but Lord knows where they are now. If they were smart they crashed JJ Abrams style onto an island with polar bears and a strange hatch because at least if they were there they’d be allowed to carry some Chapstick on their person." Also, learn how to talk into an intercom. When you turn your head away from the mouth piece, but continue talking we can’t hear what you’re saying.
Old man in the blue shirt: Stop going up to the Southwest guy and bugging him every 10 minutes. He doesn’t know anything new, obviously.
Kids of the old man in the blue shirt: You seem kind of cool with your fun glasses and dangly earrings. But you’re SO LOUD. Shhhh…indoor voices.
Indian dude: You sort of look like Aamir Kahn. If you can sing, I might know a group of girls who would like to be in a harem for you.
Girl running past us in the light brown leggings: What are you wearing?!?! I’ll tell you what you’re wearing – you’re wearing fugliness, that’s what. You’re also wearing a skin-tight light brown top under a loose cream camisole, a micro mini denim skirt, matching light brown leggings and pirate boots. No lie, The Redhead and I were talking about how horrid leggings are this very day. And lady, you’re living proof as to why 20 years since they were "in" "fashion" they’re still a bad idea. You’re the reason why The Redhead thinks my generation doesn’t know how to dress themselves and you’re making it hard for me to disagree with her. Almost as bad as the leggings themselves is their color. Like, you know when you were getting hot lunch in high school and you passed by the dessert counter and you had to choose between the green jello with the floaty things inside it and the pale chocolate pudding from a can that had developed a skin since it was set out two lunch periods ago? Yes. You are wearing old pudding leggings. WHY ARE YOU DOING THAT TO YOURSELF?
Chica who shoved into and wove herself in and out of passengers waiting to board their flight just so she could fix her hair in the reflection of the window: I can’t believe you just did that. Really? We’re sitting in an airport terminal waiting for our flight that’s now delayed for 3 hours. Who are you fixing yourself up for? Also, you’re wearing one of those flimsy ruffley hootchie skirts (can that trend please be over? I hate those damn skirts) and you’re hair is in a messy ponytail. And after you were done fixing yourself up, you were still in a hootchie skirt and you’re new primped ponytail was still messy. So to refresh: You really didn’t change a thing and you were rude to people in the process of satisfying your vainity.
Southwest guy: Stop telling us that our plane is making its final descent and that it will be at the gate for us to board in "5 minutes." Seriously, our plane has made its "final descent" about 13 times now. I understand that you can’t do anything, and I feel bad for anyone that has to work in an airport today, but I would have much more respect for you if you were just honest and were like, "I have no damn clue. They told me five minutes, but Lord knows where they are now. If they were smart they crashed JJ Abrams style onto an island with polar bears and a strange hatch because at least if they were there they’d be allowed to carry some Chapstick on their person." Also, learn how to talk into an intercom. When you turn your head away from the mouth piece, but continue talking we can’t hear what you’re saying.
Old man in the blue shirt: Stop going up to the Southwest guy and bugging him every 10 minutes. He doesn’t know anything new, obviously.
Kids of the old man in the blue shirt: You seem kind of cool with your fun glasses and dangly earrings. But you’re SO LOUD. Shhhh…indoor voices.
Indian dude: You sort of look like Aamir Kahn. If you can sing, I might know a group of girls who would like to be in a harem for you.
Girl running past us in the light brown leggings: What are you wearing?!?! I’ll tell you what you’re wearing – you’re wearing fugliness, that’s what. You’re also wearing a skin-tight light brown top under a loose cream camisole, a micro mini denim skirt, matching light brown leggings and pirate boots. No lie, The Redhead and I were talking about how horrid leggings are this very day. And lady, you’re living proof as to why 20 years since they were "in" "fashion" they’re still a bad idea. You’re the reason why The Redhead thinks my generation doesn’t know how to dress themselves and you’re making it hard for me to disagree with her. Almost as bad as the leggings themselves is their color. Like, you know when you were getting hot lunch in high school and you passed by the dessert counter and you had to choose between the green jello with the floaty things inside it and the pale chocolate pudding from a can that had developed a skin since it was set out two lunch periods ago? Yes. You are wearing old pudding leggings. WHY ARE YOU DOING THAT TO YOURSELF?
Chica who shoved into and wove herself in and out of passengers waiting to board their flight just so she could fix her hair in the reflection of the window: I can’t believe you just did that. Really? We’re sitting in an airport terminal waiting for our flight that’s now delayed for 3 hours. Who are you fixing yourself up for? Also, you’re wearing one of those flimsy ruffley hootchie skirts (can that trend please be over? I hate those damn skirts) and you’re hair is in a messy ponytail. And after you were done fixing yourself up, you were still in a hootchie skirt and you’re new primped ponytail was still messy. So to refresh: You really didn’t change a thing and you were rude to people in the process of satisfying your vainity.
1 Comments:
Pudding leggings?
I have lived too long.
Post a Comment
<< Home