Baby it's cold outside: How to waste a day

Wake up at 7:00 a.m. to the snow/ice combination beating against your window. Haul yourself out of bed, go to the window and peer out of the blinds. Reflect that you can't even see road, slush, or tire tracks outside on the street. Sigh heavily. Mentally curse your office for not closing unless there's a state of emergency. Mentally curse/praise yourself for living within 10 minutes of the office since this gives you no excuse/short distance to travel in bad weather. Shower. Get dressed in slightly Valentiney cute outfit with modified warming layers. Look outside the window and sigh. Curse not being able to work from home since IT guy still has your laptop and all you have is a crappy PC laptop with no useful programs on it. Listen to TV news about weather report/traffic conditions. Bundle up in coat, scarf, gloves, and Danger Mouse hat. Pass EMT roommate coming in from last night's shift telling you "It's damn nasty out there." Briefly bitch to him the retarded nature of an office that doesn't close in weather like this. Go outside. Slide down the walk, face being pelted with stinging ice the whole time. Watch a comically tiny red car come shooting down the road and nearly curb it self by the funeral home. Right. Go back inside. Call boss. Tell her voice mail, "It's really horrid outside. I'm going to be a bit late seeing as I still have to dig my car out and all. The streets don't even seem to be plowed. I'll be in closer to 9, 9:15. I'm taking my sweet time getting there." Take off coat, scarf, hat, and gloves. Make a bracing cup of piping hot chocolate. Drink hot chocolate. Put coat, scarf, hat, and gloves on again. Go outside. Dig car out. Manage to vrooooom car out from pile of snow ice mixture and onto the "street" portion of the road. Glide like Super Mario on the Iced Land levels. Attempt a turn and fishtail like a champ. Continue glide. Realize that you are reaching a Stop sign in a moment. Optimistically try to apply the brakes. End up "stopping" somewhere in the middle of the damn intersection. Reflect that you're very glad that so little people are on the roads since every other office on the planet is smart enough to close. Ponder The Hill. Realise that you don't want to do the The Hill. Realize that this may make you a pussy. Fuck it. Coast around the block. Repark car. Call your boss. Tell her voice mail "Change of plans. I'm taking a personal day. Because I just slid my car around the block and: No. Not doing The Hill. If there's a publication emergency, give me a call. If it clears up later I might come in." Go inside house and make another cup of hot chocolate. Feel slightly guilty, especially knowing your boss has to come all the way from Pottstown. Roommate congratulates you for taking the day off. "Because you never call out." This is true. Feel slightly better. Eat pancakes. Dial into the office email system to make sure every thing is under control, publication-wise. Roommate scolds you for work obsessiveness. Shrug it off. EMT roommate reminds you that street is emergency snow route and that you need to move your car. Dig out your car again. Park it around the corner. Come inside and vow that is the last time you'll go out. Sit under blanket with Dill curled next to you and a marathon of Project Runway on TV. Work on writing piece. Receive phone call from boss. Slight publication emergency: Boss needs to find reprints you sent out on Monday. Thank God that your desktop is neat and organized and you can tell your boss over the phone exactly where to find everything. Hang up phone and feel guilty, again. Dial into office email. Eat soup. Watch BBC America On Demand. Ponder moving to UK because men there are hot, have accents, and seem to know how to get it on better then American men. Make this as part of your year TO DO list: Go to UK, meet dashing young bloke, and get it on. Doze. Realize that roads have finally been salted and seem drivable. Mention to roommate that you're thinking of going into the office now that things seem more manageable. She give you a LOOK that clearly says, "Give it up you insane person, why would you want to go into this office this late in the day?" Decide to just screw it and stay home all day being lazy. Blog about Valentine's Day. Email old friends. Play with cat. Work on writing piece. Spend evening polishing writing piece and watching Newsradio on DVD. Go to bed content (oh, OK and slightly guilty too, sue me. I hate calling out).

Happy Winter Storm, everyone.