Awful

It's 6am and I'm awake because I've been awake all night. Until 3:30am I was at the Doc's house helping him organize and get ready. Now I'm sitting here trying to write him a letter -- something to take with him to New York, something so he knows just how amazing he is and how much I care about him -- and I can't do it. This is so hard. How do you tell someone you care about and respect so much what they mean to you before they go into life-altering surgery? How do you tell your mentor how much they have guided you? I can't do this. Everything is coming out trite and cheesy. I'm a fucking ENGLISH GRADUATE STUDENT I should be able to do this. I can't do this.

This is so awful. I wish I could take it away from him. I wish I could make him better. I don't know what to do.

After tomorrow, I will never hear his voice again.

I'm crying.