For reasons unknown even to me, I read my horoscope fairly often. Not daily, but usually weekly, and definitely monthly. I’m not sure why I do this, other than that it’s a little addiction and I guess deep down I want to believe in them.
Anyway, according to my monthly horoscope from Sue Miller, October was supposed to be, like, the month of Big Love. I was going to meet some wonderful wonderful man who was going to sweep me off of my feet and we were going to go off and do all sorts of romantical things together. My awesome love days were supposed to start on or around October 20th.
Now. If you are close to me or work with me you know about the events surrounding October 20th. Those days were not romantic, filled with love, and certainly did not bring about the love of my life or anything like that. Words to describe those days are words such as “shitty,” really shitty,” “embarrassing,” “icky,” and “further destroying my faith in the male species.” Big Love, my ass.
Now get a load of November’s horoscope:
This could be a wonderful month, one you may remember for a very long time. Your password in November will be “twosome,” dear Taurus. Does this mean you will get engaged or married in November? Possibly! At the very least, if you are dating someone seriously, the topic should come up. Let things happen naturally without pushing - with a crowd of little happy planets all singing, "Let's run away to the Elvis Chapel in Las Vegas!" have faith that things will happen as they should. You will know where you stand with the one you love by month's end.
Good news, you guys! I’m getting engaged to my non-existent boyfriend! We’re having a Vegas wedding and you’re ALL invited! We're registered at Spinsters 'R Us, and we've already chosen an awesome china pattern, one with cute little-kitty cats circling the edge of the plate and batting at little balls of yarn with their paws! We already have a bread machine though, so don't worry about that.
Anyway, according to my monthly horoscope from Sue Miller, October was supposed to be, like, the month of Big Love. I was going to meet some wonderful wonderful man who was going to sweep me off of my feet and we were going to go off and do all sorts of romantical things together. My awesome love days were supposed to start on or around October 20th.
Now. If you are close to me or work with me you know about the events surrounding October 20th. Those days were not romantic, filled with love, and certainly did not bring about the love of my life or anything like that. Words to describe those days are words such as “shitty,” really shitty,” “embarrassing,” “icky,” and “further destroying my faith in the male species.” Big Love, my ass.
Now get a load of November’s horoscope:
This could be a wonderful month, one you may remember for a very long time. Your password in November will be “twosome,” dear Taurus. Does this mean you will get engaged or married in November? Possibly! At the very least, if you are dating someone seriously, the topic should come up. Let things happen naturally without pushing - with a crowd of little happy planets all singing, "Let's run away to the Elvis Chapel in Las Vegas!" have faith that things will happen as they should. You will know where you stand with the one you love by month's end.
Good news, you guys! I’m getting engaged to my non-existent boyfriend! We’re having a Vegas wedding and you’re ALL invited! We're registered at Spinsters 'R Us, and we've already chosen an awesome china pattern, one with cute little-kitty cats circling the edge of the plate and batting at little balls of yarn with their paws! We already have a bread machine though, so don't worry about that.
Labels: Fates
2 Comments:
My invisible boyfriend Chad and I can't wait to attend the big Vegas wedding!
Awesome. And I'll bring my entirely visible, but utterly pretend husbands Josh Homme and Dave Grohl. And that smarmy guy Mike from "Dirty Jobs," and ....
*crickets*
I know. I have some issues.
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