After Ostara

Ostara was weeks ago, but I never posted anything about it.

Originally I thought I wasn't going to be able to attend Ostara because I was supposed to have a dress rehearsal that night. But then Murder! was canceled. Still, I hesitated. Brisket was to attend the dress rehearsal and after the week he and I had gone through, I wasn't keen to cancel on him. And yet, given everything – especially what he and I had gone through – I really felt I needed to go to Ostara. It was a pickle to say the least. In the end I called him, explained the situation and invited him to come to Ostara with me. He politely declined, not feeling particularly comfortable with what the ritual would entail. We made plans for another night instead.

On an impulse, I invited my friends, Rosemontites and fellow Murder! cast members Liz and Jillian, to attend. They both happily accepted and for the first time ever, I had guests at a ritual.

Needless to say, this was a little weird for me. It was harder for me to Let Go completely and get into the whole thing. I also once again had energy-raising issues. But whatever. Time to dance away the winter, plant new seeds and broke what bound me. Talk about a ritual coming at the right effing time. And Liz and Jillian both loved and benefited from the ritual, just like I suspected they would.

After, during the feasting, I was talking to Liz and Jillian about various Pagan-related things and happened to catch the ear of one of the Sacred Crossroads members. He sort of shifted into our conversation, and at once point I commented that I wasn't even in the Inner Path, so what did I know? He turned to look at me sharply and asked why I wasn't in/on the Inner Path. "I've certainly seen you at enough of these things," he pointedly told me.

"Oh, I sort of haven't had the time," I explained. "I work full time and go to school part time and...I don't know. I haven't been able to take the Intro to Wicca course and..." I faded off as I caught sight of his raised eyebrow and a look that clearly said Cut the crap.

"Ok," I began again. "It's taken me some time to get...comfortable with this aspect of myself."

"That," he told me, "I'll accept." We ended up chatting for awhile and ultimately I think it was really helpful.

I've been delving a bit deeper recently. Nina got me hooked on a bunch of really informative Primer podcasts. And I just bought my first athame and besom. So there's that. I guess it's time to stop being on the sidelines so much and take some personal responsibility already.