Me and My Effing Big Mouth

"So, now that you've eaten..."

"Oh, it was delicious. Thanks for making dinner."

"You're welcome," he shifted on the couch to face me, lowering the volume on the TV with the remote as he did so. "I've got good news and bad news."

My heart started pounding. "Oh God," I said, dropping my knife onto my plate. "Out with it." But he didn't have to say. I already knew.

"My boss has this condo that he's renovated. And the guy who was going to rent it is backing out. My boss wants me to take it over. For, like, super cheap."

A very long pause.

"So you're leaving?"

"There's a 97% chance, yeah. Things will be more settled after this weekend and I'll have a clearer picture."

"What's the good news?"

"Well, it's lower rent, new building with central air, closer to work."

"That's good for YOU. What about ME?"

"Oh..." Another long pause.

"Fucking wanker. I need this like I need a hole in my head."

"Sorry. It's a good opportunity for me. I don't want to leave you in a lurch or anything. So I'll continue paying rent until you can replace me. Unless you move out too..."

"Why does everyone want to leave me? Am I that hard to live with? I mean, OK, I know I hog the TV sometimes and leave my dishes in the sink, but really?"

"No, it's...Obviously if Kelly were still living here and it was the three of us, I would turn it down. But now...it's different."

"Oh," I said with an air of teasing, "I see. You like Kelly better than me."

"No," he shot back, a little too quickly. Yes, my brain mentally answered. I wasn't offended though. Even I like Kelly better than me.

"OK. Well...I guess I'll figure something out." I went to the kitchen and began clattering around, loading the dishwasher, cleaning up from dinner, wiping down the table. He followed me. "Do you hate me?"

"No, I don't hate you. It's just," I turned to face him, flicking dishtowel down on the counter, "I've got so much going on right now. Work is really stressful. We're not having much luck finding a replacement for me. I'm trying to slog through a lot of crap so that when we do find someone I can move over to Production seamlessly. I haven't even really begun the Editorial Conference Videos at all yet and the conference is in October. Everyone is talking me up so I have all this pressure to just be awesome. My class ends this week and I have a term paper due next week, I still don't have a topic for it yet, much less started it. Then I have two weeks or so until the fall semester starts. I'm worried about money. I'm sad because Kelly left. I'm trying to help out the Doc. And I literally just told the landlord that we're not breaking the lease, so now I look like an asshole. And," I added, putting my hands on my hips, "I'm about to get my period any minute. You couldn't have chosen a worse time to spring this on me."

"Sorry."

"No, I...you have to do what's right by you. I can't blame you for that. I just feel abandoned."

We talked a bit more, tentatively forming plans. After we were done, I hopped in the car and drove to Exton. I was at the intersection of Rt.252 and Rt.30 when I lost it, bursting into tears. First Kelly and now Mike. I felt like shit. I felt unloved. I felt completely overwhelmed. But by the time I got to Exton I had pulled it together.

I pulled into the Blockbuster and walked into talk to Gary. He's interested in moving in with me, provided that certain details get finalized. So there's a plan. Things will be OK. I'll get through this.

Whatever. I'm getting drunk now.