Dear Wawa Coffee,
Allow me to wax poetic on you for a few minutes. You see, recently I've fallen into some financial difficulties and as part of my new Save Money Plan, I've given up getting 16 oz. of you every day. The Red Head and I went over some numbers and did you know that I could save $333 a year just by giving you up? I know! It really adds up! Never mind the fact that some mornings when layouts got to be too snore-inducing I would go back to Wawa for an 11:00am cup of joe. I mean, can you imagine?
So, as part of my Saving Money Plan, I've decided to give up getting Wawa coffee every morning, substituting it instead for the free coffee they provide to us in the office. The problem with free office coffee is this: It really sucks. No, it REALLY sucks. Badly. It's a lot like...OK, you know what it's like? It's like going to the dirtiest, greasiest spoon you can think of, the kind that has skeevy regulars with yellow teeth and fingernails and dandruff lined up along the counter, with doughy waitresses and a chef with some repulsive nickname like "Barf" slinging hash, and going and licking the hot plate of their coffee maker. That's what the office coffee tastes like. It's harsh. It's abrasive. It burns your tongue and makes you gag at first. Normally I would just drown something like this in cream and pile on the sugar. But you know what? THERE IS NO CREAM. There's only that powdered creamer shit and let me make something abundantly clear: I fucking hate powdered creamer. HATE. I flat out refuse to use it. I would sooner use chalk dust in my coffee. So this means that I've had to bring in my own half-and-half for my coffee. No biggie. Except...I have a sneaking suspicion that someone else here at the office has been pilfering my half-and-half despite the fact that I've clearly labeled it. Because yesterday morning I went to make myself a cup of coffee and there was hardly anything left. And you know what? I'm a big coffee drinker but I did not go through an entire pint in 4 days. No.
I know you're probably wondering why I just don't make my own coffee at home and bring it to the office in a travel mug or something. Well I tried that. But the problem is that I am the only person in my apartment who drinks coffee. Do you know how hard it is to make enough for just one person? Really fucking hard. I always have too much or too little. More often than not I make too much and then it goes to waste, thus wasting money and thus defeating the purpose. Also, my coffee maker doesn't have an automatic timer. You know what I need? I need one of those itty bitty only-makes-2-cups-at-a-time coffee makers. You know my birthday is coming up, Wawa. Hint, hint.
Anyway, today is Friday, Wawa Coffee, and as a special treat to myself I decided to get you. Wawa Coffee, I got 16 oz. of your hazlenut coffee with french vanilla cream and goddamn are you delicious. You are like liquid bliss running down my throat and settling pleasantly in my belly. It's why today, the world seems like a better, brighter place. Wawa Coffee how did you get so good? And why are you so good to me? My only regret, Wawa Coffee, is that I didn't get 20 oz. of you.
I'll miss you until next Friday,
EightK
Allow me to wax poetic on you for a few minutes. You see, recently I've fallen into some financial difficulties and as part of my new Save Money Plan, I've given up getting 16 oz. of you every day. The Red Head and I went over some numbers and did you know that I could save $333 a year just by giving you up? I know! It really adds up! Never mind the fact that some mornings when layouts got to be too snore-inducing I would go back to Wawa for an 11:00am cup of joe. I mean, can you imagine?
So, as part of my Saving Money Plan, I've decided to give up getting Wawa coffee every morning, substituting it instead for the free coffee they provide to us in the office. The problem with free office coffee is this: It really sucks. No, it REALLY sucks. Badly. It's a lot like...OK, you know what it's like? It's like going to the dirtiest, greasiest spoon you can think of, the kind that has skeevy regulars with yellow teeth and fingernails and dandruff lined up along the counter, with doughy waitresses and a chef with some repulsive nickname like "Barf" slinging hash, and going and licking the hot plate of their coffee maker. That's what the office coffee tastes like. It's harsh. It's abrasive. It burns your tongue and makes you gag at first. Normally I would just drown something like this in cream and pile on the sugar. But you know what? THERE IS NO CREAM. There's only that powdered creamer shit and let me make something abundantly clear: I fucking hate powdered creamer. HATE. I flat out refuse to use it. I would sooner use chalk dust in my coffee. So this means that I've had to bring in my own half-and-half for my coffee. No biggie. Except...I have a sneaking suspicion that someone else here at the office has been pilfering my half-and-half despite the fact that I've clearly labeled it. Because yesterday morning I went to make myself a cup of coffee and there was hardly anything left. And you know what? I'm a big coffee drinker but I did not go through an entire pint in 4 days. No.
I know you're probably wondering why I just don't make my own coffee at home and bring it to the office in a travel mug or something. Well I tried that. But the problem is that I am the only person in my apartment who drinks coffee. Do you know how hard it is to make enough for just one person? Really fucking hard. I always have too much or too little. More often than not I make too much and then it goes to waste, thus wasting money and thus defeating the purpose. Also, my coffee maker doesn't have an automatic timer. You know what I need? I need one of those itty bitty only-makes-2-cups-at-a-time coffee makers. You know my birthday is coming up, Wawa. Hint, hint.
Anyway, today is Friday, Wawa Coffee, and as a special treat to myself I decided to get you. Wawa Coffee, I got 16 oz. of your hazlenut coffee with french vanilla cream and goddamn are you delicious. You are like liquid bliss running down my throat and settling pleasantly in my belly. It's why today, the world seems like a better, brighter place. Wawa Coffee how did you get so good? And why are you so good to me? My only regret, Wawa Coffee, is that I didn't get 20 oz. of you.
I'll miss you until next Friday,
EightK
Labels: Open Letters
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