I went to Gary's last night because he had invited me over to watch Harry Potter. By "watch Harry Potter" Gary really meant "stuff you full of delicious food and wine, tempt you with Godiva chocolate ice cream WHICH YOU CAN NOT HAVE HA HA HA LOSER, and kick your ass at chess."
To be fair, we did watch Harry Potter, but we had both seen it before, so we chatted a lot through the movie. But the real fun came after the movie when Gary pulled out the chess board and insisted that I play with him. I have only played chess about 4 times in my life, and it totally showed as Gary instituted a flying V pawns of death attack on me and proceeded to house me solidly. He captured my queen in 3 moves and then trapped me in the back left corner of the board and made me make hard decisions such as "Do I sacrifice my rook or my bishop?" only to take them both anyway. Bastard. Meanwhile, I'm still trying to remember if the horse can jump people.
My main problem with chess, is that I don't have the foresight to think about the Big Picture. I have a tendency to only see what is directly in front of me and at most think one move ahead. I have no strategy. I also don't do that thing where you "see the whole board," as they say. I was so pleased when I took Gary's bishop that I didn't see that he wanted me to take it so that he could steal my queen. Leaving me feeling like an asshole.
"To me, a good game of chess is when I don't let the other player take any pieces that I don't want them to take," Gary told me.
"I hate you," I told him. Because to me, a good game of chess is one were I don't royally fuck up by making retarded mistakes. You know, like I just had.
I also have trouble seeing protection or attacks when they come from afar. Gary was trying to help me by talking out moves with me. "Right now your knight is under attack."
"It is?"
"From that move I just made. With my rook."
I looked at the board. His rook was nowhere near my knight. Not even remotely in the vicinity. I pointed this out to Gary.
“Ah. But in two moves it will be.”
“Motherfucker. Now what?”
“That’s up to you.”
For as much as I suck at chess, I would love to get better at it. Because it is a cool game. I had actually wanted to play a second game after Gary beat me, just to see if I could play better now that I’ve had a game under my belt and remembered how the game worked. Unfortunately, it was now midnight and because of “responsibilities” and “work” I had to go. Also, if I had had anymore wine, I would have had to spend the night.
So my new goal is to get good enough at chess so that I can be somewhat of a challenge for Gary when we play. Sadly, I have no one to play with, and the only chess set I currently own happens to be of the shot glass variety, which somehow I don’t think will help my game at all.
To be fair, we did watch Harry Potter, but we had both seen it before, so we chatted a lot through the movie. But the real fun came after the movie when Gary pulled out the chess board and insisted that I play with him. I have only played chess about 4 times in my life, and it totally showed as Gary instituted a flying V pawns of death attack on me and proceeded to house me solidly. He captured my queen in 3 moves and then trapped me in the back left corner of the board and made me make hard decisions such as "Do I sacrifice my rook or my bishop?" only to take them both anyway. Bastard. Meanwhile, I'm still trying to remember if the horse can jump people.
My main problem with chess, is that I don't have the foresight to think about the Big Picture. I have a tendency to only see what is directly in front of me and at most think one move ahead. I have no strategy. I also don't do that thing where you "see the whole board," as they say. I was so pleased when I took Gary's bishop that I didn't see that he wanted me to take it so that he could steal my queen. Leaving me feeling like an asshole.
"To me, a good game of chess is when I don't let the other player take any pieces that I don't want them to take," Gary told me.
"I hate you," I told him. Because to me, a good game of chess is one were I don't royally fuck up by making retarded mistakes. You know, like I just had.
I also have trouble seeing protection or attacks when they come from afar. Gary was trying to help me by talking out moves with me. "Right now your knight is under attack."
"It is?"
"From that move I just made. With my rook."
I looked at the board. His rook was nowhere near my knight. Not even remotely in the vicinity. I pointed this out to Gary.
“Ah. But in two moves it will be.”
“Motherfucker. Now what?”
“That’s up to you.”
For as much as I suck at chess, I would love to get better at it. Because it is a cool game. I had actually wanted to play a second game after Gary beat me, just to see if I could play better now that I’ve had a game under my belt and remembered how the game worked. Unfortunately, it was now midnight and because of “responsibilities” and “work” I had to go. Also, if I had had anymore wine, I would have had to spend the night.
So my new goal is to get good enough at chess so that I can be somewhat of a challenge for Gary when we play. Sadly, I have no one to play with, and the only chess set I currently own happens to be of the shot glass variety, which somehow I don’t think will help my game at all.
2 Comments:
That guy who likes girls also likes to play chess...just a thought.
Um...ok. Who's "that guy?" And who are you?
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