Ugly

Facts on Facts: I have never, in my life, felt pretty.

Ever.

Tonight, Krista and I played true confessions. I admitted:

1) I would change everything about me if I could.

2) Anytime a guy has liked me, anytime, ever, I have always considered it a momentary lapse; a temporary insanity.

3) I hate how seemingly easy it is for other people. I admitted to a lot of envy and jealousy for girls in our group. Girls that I love. Girls that I would trade places with in a heartbeat. Girls who I have analyzed, studied, and copied in an effort to be that careless and light when it comes to attention from members of the opposite sex. Girls who don't realize how lucky and easy they have it. How fucking nice it must be to be thin, and pretty.

4) How fucking douchey men can be.

5) How despite all my accomplishments and talents, I will always be less. Second best because I don't fit into a nice package.

6) How all it takes – after fooling myself and building myself up for months – is one asshole comment from a guy to tear it all down again.

I hate being this way.

Edit: Realize now that I was being a self-loathing wanker and need to MOVE ON ALREADY, because this kind of thinking, behavior, and attitude is frankly getting old and boring. See two entries above for why it's not deleted completely.