Dictaphone

Seriously, on my "To Buy" list, a Dictaphone just rose to the top. Or maybe just a really awesome tape recorder that I carry on my person at all times because tonight I was privy to the following two awesome (if by "awesome" you mean "fucked up") conversations:

1. The discussion of the ethics of eating our own pets. No, really. Really. Haven made the note that when her pet chinchilla Ferdinand dies of perfectly natural causes she's going to turn him into (and I swear I'm not making this up) a change purse and then make "chinchilla" buffalo wings with his body. I KNOW. We were all horrified but Haven, the girl who refuses to pick flowers because she finds it cruel, was completely blasé about the whole thing. I have weird friends, y'all.
   
   
2. Coming home to my roommate Mike being completely trashed and rambling, for real, about his nipples and how much he loves me. And then he said something about how we have Chips A'hoy in the cupboard, all excited like. I wish I could have recorded it all, because now I can't remember any of it, thanks in part to him forcing me to have lemon drop shots with him. And this, when I have to get up tomorrow and have brunch with nuns. Again, I am not making that up. I'm having brunch with nuns tomorrow. (long story)

So yes, in light of these conversations (and thinking back to other recent ones that I can't recall in good detail), I need a Dictaphone. Because I just have too many bizarre conversations, be it eating our pets or Mike preaching the gospel according to drunk, it's needed.